17 July 2011
i had a dream about an elephant once
the elephant swayed from side to side and rotated in place slowly
it seemed content
i thought, "that elephant is profound"
right now i feel shitty
i have lost the will to do anything
i feel like a zombie sitting at its computer looking at pictures of people it wishes it talked to more in high school
i was at a science fair
my science project seemed misguided and poorly constructed
i was nervous about this, i felt like this was not my fault
outside i saw an elephant with a big, red "15" on it's side
it moved without purpose
i was mesmerized by its movement
i lay on my bed with wide open eyes trying to think of something good
i cannot form a thought
i need to snap out of it/ not be like this
when I snapped out of it, my project was broken
it had fallen over due to its own poor construction
i pointed at it and said "it's looking for a better life"
my teacher gave me a D+
i need to get ready for a thing with friends soon
i don't feel like seeing people right now or moving or putting pants on
but i also don't want to let people down or make them feel like i don't want to see them or make them worry that i'm not ok
so i'll go
i looked outside again
the elephant was lying on the ground
the kids from my class were kicking it
it seemed content
12 July 2011
The child picked something off the floor and put it in her mouth.
I felt nervous about this, but not enough to say anything.
A lady waiting in line said "Your kid is eating stuff off the floor!" to another lady who replied, "That's not my kid!"
A tired looking woman came in through the store entrance and scolded the little girl and dragged her off.
The little girl had a fit and didn't spit out whatever was in her mouth.
An elderly black woman with gray hair, which had been poorly dyed red in some areas, gave me a knowing look and spoke to me as if I were her childhood friend.
"They don't listen to their parents like we did, do they? When we were their age we had to listen or we got smacked."
She smiled and nudged me with her elbow and laughed in a way that suggested I had grown up in the same era and shared her same fond experiences of corporal punishment.
I smiled back and paid for my coke zero.
06 July 2011
Woke up in my bed.
Thought about painting eight paintings in eight hours.
Thought about writing a novel.
Thought about writing and directing a short film.
Thought seriously about just not getting up.
Got up, ate cereal, took my time.
Watched one and a half episodes of Arrested Development.
Thought about Micheal Cera.
Checked the weather. 29 degrees, feels like 36.
Thought about not wanting to get dressed or go outside.
Finished watching the second episode of Arrested Development.
Talked on the phone with my friend about our plans for tomorrow.
Read an email from the girl who runs The Fashion Press about featuring my art on her blog.
Went to studio.